Sometimes I miss you like the desert misses the rain. It’s one
of those times now when existence seems so meaningless without you. The hours
haunt me and don’t let me escape, turning me into a restless puppet at the
hands of destiny.
All I do is watch the clock ticking second by second alarming
me of the passing time that I lose without you. My over indulgence in the
causes, the reasons, the ‘why’s’ lead me to a non-conclusive conclusion, circumlocuting
into a vicious spiral. The more I delve, the greater I get sucked into the
spiral unable to return to normalcy, a numb zone.
I was never able to tell myself how much I loved you. Every
time I tried to quantify it just amplified! Unrequited though it was but it
made me feel alive. Lies, deception and rejection though it was, it made me
feel at home. And now I thrive on a barren land often gazing into the mighty
space trying to figure out the directions. You are like those impossible breaths
that I can’t stop from breathing, the moment I stop, I know I would die.
Discomforting the way you are, arouses fear of abandonment
within me. You are my worst nightmare. When you were gone, I realized that
sometimes our biggest dreams are contained within our worst nightmares and
sometimes home is not that comforting. Yet with you was an imperfect peaceful
alliance like two disharmonious cords making rhythm together.
You are the only thing that beckons me and I so wish were close, yet I chose to walk away and you chose to let me go. In you something devastative
I fear, that sends me into years of seclusion
seeking the comfort of loving you in silence. I will be back to relive those
times spent with you, every year this day, in my memories. And now I don’t cry because you are gone, I smile
because you happened, to bring out infinite love in me within the finite
possibilities.
MY LOVE TO YOU, I BEQUEATH,
FOR EVERY WITHOUT IS FOLLOWED BY A WITH…
