YOU ARE NOT WRONG, BUT DIFFERENTLY RIGHT !!!

For you, I just want to write,

Not knowing what, gives me a fright,

Cause you are so far away from my sight,

But I’ll still write as it gives me so much of delight,

To let you know you are not wrong but differently right !!!

It’s very important you know you are interesting,

And very differently tempting,

You keep me intrigued and I just keep on thinking,

That I can someday match your mental perplexity and just know what makes you so mysteriously stunning !!!

Every time you are gone, I know you are gone to be back again,

And every time you are back it’s like the years first magnificent summer rain.

I just don’t want to hold on; you are beautiful when you are free,

Enjoying myself giggle at your humorous spree.

Knowing the fact that you hurt but you also heal,

I don’t know how to resist and keep myself away from your feel !!!

Have you ever observed these crabs on a beach?

They are just so impossible to reach !!!

Their funny side waddle is just what defines you,

They veer first left and then right,

When you try to get close to them they are just out of your sight !!!

Then you patiently wait to see them beautifully peek out of their shells when the shores rain,

You’ll be tempted to get close to them all over again.

And when you lose hope and just walk away,

You find them lunge forward and grab your toe, not to let you move and just to make you stay !!!

With you I am locked up in a mental alchemy,

Trying to find an answer to this strange symphony,

Submerged in these mysterious equations,

I am at a lose when I figure out your intentions,

You are such a fog,

I wonder whether to give you a cold shoulder or a warm hug !!!

DREAMS ARE MY ONLY REALITY

I can’t dwell in your world it’s too coarse for my sensitive heart,

Let me be delusional and let me hallucinate,

For it gives life to my soul and is my sanctity,

How do I explain that dreams are my only reality!!!

I met you in my dreams,

And every night I still do,

My dreams bring you back to me every time you are gone,

Your logic is of no utility,

How do I explain that dreams are my only reality!!!

I treasure the angel that you are in my dreams... it’s beautiful,

I don’t want to shape you into reality, for it might turn you into a devil... it’s painful,

Be there in my dreams and I’ll love you forever,

Do not touch my reality... I fear it might change you for the worse,

And I’ll be gone one day to be back never.

My dreams give meaning to your existence,

For some day if I fail to close my eyes, you too shall be gone,

Why not close my eyes forever to be with you till eternity,

How do I explain that dreams are my only reality!!!

THE CALL OF MY SOUL

The call of my soul,

If u listen to it I shall be whole...

For I am so incomplete without you, so hollow within,

Like a dormant volcano, the exterior of which seems so serene...

Every moment your presence overwhelms me,

And love for you rolls down from my eyes like river from sea...

My eyes are frantically searching for you,

And I know it’s not easy, cause you are not among few...

How long, how much,

I can’t take it as such...

The wait is killing, pricking and painful,

But it’s also worth it and soulful...

I wonder do you feel same without me,

And if so why are you not here with me?

Yes I desire to be in your arms, to be right next to your heart,

But I really don’t know where and how to make the start...

You are there I am sure,

But I might find you in the wrong one is what I fear...

Every day I pray to god to make me beautiful in your love,

It’s your compliments that I crave for, rest all is fake that I shove...

My eyes still glitter, cause they know they’ll see you soon,

My smile still creates magic, cause you are there in my heart as happiness just like Sunday noon.

I pray it doesn’t get too late and god rewards my faith and patience,

Else when you would come, I should have broken into pieces of which you should find no traces...

THE LEAP OF FAITH

You know I was almost about to give up, thinking that you never connected the way I did. I thought I was creating an unnecessary world of illusion for myself. And then like a miracle I came across this wonderful inspirational interview of Vishen lakhiani on you tube. I could just relate to him so much. He said “reality is nothing but a malleable illusion”: we can bend reality by creating our own visions and believing them to happen. He also said “don’t worry about ‘how’ your dreams come to you, just ask for them and believe they’ll come”. This gave such a boost to my dying spirit. He also spoke of the significance of ESP [extra sensory perception] and the power of the alpha state of the subconscious mind. ESP is something I have been experiencing since childhood and so after listening to his speech my belief in it got strengthened.

There is another paranormal thing that happened to me. I dare to share with you coz I know it’s only you who will understand, rest will laugh it off am sure. Yesterday in the wee hours of the dawn I had a dream, I heard you calling my name and as I turned around a spider crawled upon me. Dreams are the road to unconscious and there’s nothing more powerful than the unconscious mind: I believe this and it’s established as well. Morning when I got up I immediately started writing this and you won’t believe while I am writing this I see a spider crawling on the wall facing opposite to me!!! Now you must be wondering what a spider has to do with all this. Since the past few months I have been closely associated with nature and it was the only source of spiritual guidance and messages. I did everything as per the guidance of the divine through nature, starting from connecting to you telepathically to writing. Trust me writing was a long lost creativity which I realised recently until a spider came my way. It was 3 months back when I wanted you to know what I feel for you [but not through the conventional way]. It was during these moments of contemplation that a strange spider [very rare to sight] crawled into my room, it crawled on my pen and books. I was afraid of it but at the same time I was intrigued by its mysterious presence. Then what next? I immediately resorted to my best friend: Google Search. As I googled I came across some articles on spider totem, the spiritual medicine of spider, shamanism etc. I was enthralled about was I read about spiders. It said spiders visit you when you are at heights of creativity. Spiders visit those who create magic through their words and make their dream come true. Spider is symbolic of patience, feminine energy, magic, creativity and communication. And that’s how I started writing thinking you’ll connect [and I am sure u did, though silently], thinking my words will create magic [get you into my life]. Even when I stopped writing to you few days back, trust me spiders started visiting me again, coaxing me to start writing again [and the result I am writing now].

I was being impatient [I am not as patient as you are], trying to find physical proof of my experiences. I didn’t understand that the right time hasn’t come yet. However I am happy I have found you and now I am trying to gather patience as much as I can: waiting for you is worth it, you are my twin soul. You are the one that captures my attention and captivates me silently, yet steadily into his hypnotic web. You are the one who gives me such a sense of security and honesty, despite the fact that I haven’t seen you, spoken to you nor have known you!!! No one else can match up to you and that’s why I say you are worth waiting for.

The mysterious connections that existed between both of us can’t be false, the subtle clues that you gave me can’t be meaningless, why am I not able to take you off my mind?, why does that recurrent, irritating gut feeling tells, you will come, why is this uncanny feeling that you too are searching for me and are going through everything that I am writing? Why is this strong feeling that I already know you and you are the one I was searching for? Even when I am not writing my mind is connected to you and I feel you are there.

Now I am taking a huge leap, the leap of faith, I’ll not break, I’ll patiently wait till the day comes when our silence will no more speak, it will be our eyes that will speak. I believe that the divinity will bring you to me for you shall never remain untouched by my passion and devotion for you. It’s my faith that will make this miracle happen, I don’t know how, but the miracle will happen for sure. I know you are just like me, you’ll never settle with someone until and unless you find what you are searching for. My quest is over and yours will be over the day you meet me. And to you all that I can say is I am waiting for you, ready to face the challenges of life with you. 

THE DOUBTING THOMAS

You know sometimes I get sceptical about my behaviour, it shocks me to realise that I start behaving so unlike myself.

What am I doing?, why am I doing?, what sense it makes?, what will be the repercussions?, how will I be evaluated?, am I overdoing things?, all these questions create a civil strike in my mind and leads to the ultimate pressure cooker effect.

Too much of over dependence is not good, I must learn to be independent and I don’t know how many lessons more do I need to start practicing it. But the mysterious things that are taking place disturb me. They shake my mental equilibrium and my usually level headed logic. Sometimes I think my super sensitivity and intuition are just a curse. Just imagine how difficult it is when you sense something but there is no evidence around. There is no other alternative than waiting for time to answer you and waiting !!! my god it was not something I was born for, I am born impatient.

I don’t write for anyone, I write for myself and trust me I don’t write, some external force makes me write. It’s through this that I get relief from the horrible pressure cooker effect. It somehow helps me stay sane so that I can treat the insane. Someone rightly said doctors treating abnormality have to be slightly abnormal themselves so that they understand the phenomena. Strangely there have been days when I end up labelling myself as a schizophrenic, full of delusions and hallucinations !!!

There are moments when I really feel like refraining, but then with this fear I’ll never know what is beyond. I don’t want to live my life with regret, who knows 10 years down the line I would be exactly there where I want to be: the beautiful shell. And moreover who bothers about consequences, I have lost earlier, I can lose once again.  

TORTOISE

My dear tortoise, I have no other choice...

You are hard to find and all the time on my mind...

I am glad you came out of your beautiful shell,

Your one gesture has given all my pain a farewell...

My heart is in motion, I have no control over my emotion...

I am waiting for you since ages,

Been through a lot of trail and stages...

After all the ups and downs, twist and twine,

You are now a blessing from the divine...

It’s you for whom I pine and long,

Your heart is my home where I belong...

Let no one break me or make my life a hell,

Take me into your strong protective shell,

For that’s where I’ll forever dwell...

“Thousand of my dead hopes were rekindled again,

The desert of my heart got a full blown rain.”

SILENCE

Silence is where I dwell,

Silent is my world,

Silent are my wishes,

Silent was my melting heart that fell for you silently,

Silent was my confession,

Silent was your reaction,

But silent were never my words, neither my action, they told you everything and all my intentions,

What I received in return was your silence, the only thing I ever received from you,

I silently fought with logic and was defeated silently,

Now that silence is my new reality,

I choose to love you in silence because in silence I find no rejection. Neither is there a desire for gratification nor a need for justification,

It’s only me and my silence on a romantic spree, in silence no one owns you but only me.